I saw the light...

A few months ago God showed me just how little my faith is in him. I’m sure most of us have had these moments and could stand to be reminded and encouraged that others suffer the same. It was late one night, and I had just gone to bed. As I laid there for a moment I began to look around the room. The strangest sensation came over me. Here I was laying in bed with the covers nearly over my head staring at the dark ceiling, and I felt as if I were watching an old time black and white television set. All architectural lines, edges and corners were fuzzy and speckled. The entire room was bathed in black and white, and no matter how hard I looked, no matter how many times I blinked, no matter how hard I stared, I could no longer see the brilliant reds, blues and greens I knew were there! They had been replaced by numerous hues of faded blacks and grays. Nothing but gray area. And the longer I watched the harder it was for me to imagine the colors that had once been there. It began to hurt my eyes. I felt in that short time like I might never see the clear images that once painted my room again. I felt claustrophobic. A strange as it sounds I inwardly began to panic. Everything my eyes saw was gray and old and I couldn’t escape this empty feeling. It was at that moment I heard a whisper of a voice saying “dave… I’m over here”. Following the voice my eyes drifted to the right past the covers that were covering the side of my face revealing the digital clock across the room. It was 1:52 in the morning. Sure the numbers are white as you read them now, but at that moment 1:52 am meant the most beautiful bright red I’d ever seen… At the moment where nothing was clear and everything was gray, God showed me that he still shines brightly above it all. I had little faith in even the smallest of experiences and God reveled himself to me.

So I guess it stands to reason that I may share another “Enlightening” experience here. Before bedtime tonight I was reading Paul’s letter to the Romans. I had read Romans in the past, but tonight it was as if I truly read it for the first time. For so long I toiled with the notion of free will and God’s plan. How were they connected. Calvinism? Arminianism? Anyism? Eitherism? Noneism? I liked John Calvins Goatee, but I respected John Wesleys colonial white wig. Who would I choose? Then something hit me tonight. I like to call it Scripture.

Romans 9 as well as the next few chapters hit me like a ton of bricks. Now this wasn’t the “Enlightened “ part yet but watch close. Romans 9:15-23, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." 16 It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God's mercy. 17 For Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." 18 Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden. 19 One of you will say to me: "Then why does God still blame us? For who is able to resist his will?" 20 But who are you, a mere human being, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " 21 Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for disposal of refuse? 22 What if God, although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? 23 What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory—”. Wow.

I read on to Romans 11:7-10, “What then? What Israel sought so earnestly it did not obtain, but the elect did. The others were hardened, 8 as it is written: "God gave them a spirit of stupor, eyes so that they could not see and ears so that they could not hear, to this very day."9And David says: "May their table become a snare and a trap, a stumbling block and a retribution for them. 10May their eyes be darkened so they cannot see, and their backs be bent forever.". And without getting too far off the subject of sovereignty, Romans 11:22, “Consider therefore the kindness and sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in his kindness. Otherwise, you also will be cut off”.

And lastly Romans 14:1-8 , “Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. 2One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. 4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. 5One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. 8If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”. I believe this last part of scripture says more than just the lesson of passing judgment on one another. I believe it also confirms a personal relationship with Christ that interweaves the convictions of our own hearts with what Christ expects from each us as individuals. One man is convicted by God towards one thing while someone else another. We are not to judge that conviction as long as it is Christ honoring.

And these scripture together bring me to my “Enlightenment”. I had no sooner laid in bed that a realization hit me about Gods perfect plan. It is that it is perfect. That may seem easy but lets look at the facts. First, you couldn’t do it. Second, the intricacies of the plan would drive us to insanity trying to comprehend it. You see, God’s plan is a personal plan where each detail of our own life is a part of it, that comes together as a whole, using all of us to glorify his kingdom. Some he created to be evil (How could we know good if there were no evil) and some he created to bring great glory to himself with kindness and righteousness. The plan may have been created forever ago but know that you weren’t excluded. God took into account your prayers and faithfulness when he created you. I believe that when he created you he listened to your prayers for family and friends, nonbelievers and enemies. He also answered some of those prayers and disregard others to show you your selfishness and to reveal HIS plan at a later date. To some he gives his blessing and to others he shows his wrath. I believe we are all tools for God created by him, used in different ways to glorify His Kingdom, and to leave us in amazement at our own salvation. Where does our destiny lie. That decision means life or death. As easily as I rub two sticks together to create flame, the sticks quickly burn up, however they created a warming flame that enabled me to feed my family. The sticks were a tool. The content family, the end result. Never judge the Lord on his ways however. And to those who feel that I sugar coated a puppet like universe know this, a puppet can only stand with the help of present fingers. God’s plan has been in existence forever past as it is forever future. And the care he took to personally mold each and everyone of us in our journey through life is one of the greatest gifts he will every give you. Life. I don’t feel my freedom affected by that. I still have heavy choices to make and great responsibilities to bear. Trusting in Gods perfect plan is one of them. I am free to move about the stage free of strings that bind those like marionettes to sin. I believe God creates some to come to salvation and some to the gnashing of teeth, and that he may very well say of the latter, “I created him and love him, but he will never please me. This was his purpose.” So I suppose my “Enlightenment “ came at another strange time, and as I laid there in the dark I immediately looked over to the digital clock. It was 12:08 in the morning.